The Art of Letting Go
Photo by Saad Chaudhry on Unsplash
Letting go, a desirable yet elusive skill, holds the promise of relief and happiness for many. “If only I could let go of that relationship, habits, or thoughts that no longer serve me…” – who doesn’t wish that? Yet, it remains one of the most complex and misunderstood concepts in human behaviour and psychology. What does it truly mean to let go?
Understanding Letting Go
We often struggle with letting go, we say: I tried letting so hard and I failed. The truth is, we often try to push something out or get rid of something while the key lies in allowing it to be. Letting go is more than just giving up or discarding something; it's about accepting. Drawing from Buddhist philosophy, letting go is akin to releasing the mind's attachments to our preconceived notions of how things should be. It's particularly challenging when we're emotionally invested in something or someone.
The Story of Kathy
The challenge of letting go becomes most apparent when dealing with emotional attachments. Consider Kathy's experience in her relationship with Adam. Initially content, as routine set in, she began noticing aspects of Adam that clashed with her preferences. Kathy felt torn between accepting Adam as he was and yearning for him to change. She grappled with conflicting thoughts of not wanting to be controlling yet desiring her partner to change.
A Deeper Acceptance
Acceptance doesn't mean passivity or indifference. And it doesn’t mean agreeing to a situation that might be bad or harmful to us or others. Rather, it requires seeing the situation as it is and accepting how we feel about it. We have to start with acknowledging our true feelings without judgment. For Kathy, this meant committing to gaining more self-awareness and confronting her expectations and assumptions about a happy relationship. Through introspection and exploration of her true values, she gradually untangled preconceptions that clouded her perspective. She realised the importance of differentiating between her desires and projections onto others, fostering a more authentic relationship with herself and Adam. This process of letting go needs a compassionate and non-judgmental approach towards oneself as it often is not a straight path but rather a winding and bumpy road.
Exploring Inner Worlds
Each individual's path to letting go is unique, and shaped by personal circumstances and experiences. It requires delving into our inner worlds with curiosity and compassion. Seeking support from friends, partners, or therapists can provide invaluable perspectives and guidance along the way.
What About Embodiment?
Letting go transcends mere intellectual understanding; it's a deeply embodied experience. Engaging in practices that promote bodily awareness and emotional release complements mental realisations. Sometimes, the release begins with the body, as deep tension patterns soften, gradually permeating the mind.
Letting Go Over and Over Again
Letting go isn't a one-time event but a continuous process. By embracing curiosity, honesty, and compassion, we can navigate the complexities of letting go and we open ourselves to new possibilities and experiences, becoming more creative and spontaneous, more present, responsible for our lives and empowered.
